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.His tongue was soft, warm, and wet, and I liked it immediately.Having his taste in my mouth was something I never knew I was missing until I had it.And I never wanted it to end.It took only a moment to find his rhythm and I carefully matched it.As his tongue swept across mine, I knew I couldn’t go back.I’d never be able to not kiss Benji.I wanted to do this all day—every day.And that still may not be enough.He broke the kiss, which was good, I guess, because I didn’t know how to stop.I slid my fingers over my lips, dazed.What just happened between us?“I needed time to make sure that when I did that, I meant it.”“Did you?” I asked stupidly.If he didn’t mean it, then I wanted to know what it felt like when he did.“Yes.”He grinned at me then and I returned it easily.We didn’t talk about what it meant for us or how it changed things.He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend, which admittedly hurt a little.But he started coming back around as if he never left.Only now, he kissed me any chance he could.We kept it between ourselves for as long as we could.It was something we didn’t share with anybody else.It was ours and ours alone.And it was perfect.~*~I open my eyes to a dark room.I’m disoriented for a moment until I feel Benji’s steady breaths raising his chest beneath my hand.I have to pee, but I don’t want to get up.If I get up, we’ll have to deal with all the problems we were able to shove aside for a few beautiful moments.I’m not ready to face them yet.I press my cheek to Benji’s heart, basking in the sensation of his smooth, warm skin against mine, and the lulling beat of his heart.Having a summer birthday, I started school later than most kids.This meant Benji and I didn’t go to school together after grade school until my freshman year.He was a junior and we didn’t have any classes together.Even so, this didn’t stop everybody from assuming we were together.I smile at the memory.I don’t know how it was for him, but boys never asked me out.If there was a dance for either of us, it was just implied that he and I would attend together.Benji wasn’t able to go to my senior prom because he was gone by then.But I went to his.It was the night I lost my virginity.I was only sixteen, but compared to most of the other girls in my school, including Kameron, I was the weird one.Ironically (or not), 16 and Pregnant was in its second season on MTV.Everybody had always assumed Benji and I had been having sex for years.And if I had my way, that’s exactly how it would have been.But Benji wanted to wait.He wanted me to be sure.He wanted it to be perfect for me.He wanted me to be older, which, I argued, was ludicrous because we did so many other things from the moment I hit fifteen.And there are only so many things to do before sex is all that’s left.Our first time, though wonderful in its own way, was nothing like it was last night.I huff out a small laugh.It had never been like it was last night.It’s painful to think about how Benji improved over the years.And then I think about the fact we didn’t use a condom.I hadn’t thought about it at the time because in the past, we hadn’t used them.I went on the pill at thirteen to help with my menstrual cramping, and then had been so grateful for them when my relationship with Benji went to the level where I needed them to prevent pregnancy.We were only ever with each other back then, so it wasn’t an issue.We trusted each other.But now, I have no clue how many women he’s been with.What kind of women.I know about Megan.But who else?I cringe with the thought.Benji’s hand sweeps the hair off my face and he caresses my neck.“You awake?” he asks, his voice thick and raspy with sleep.I clear my throat.“Yeah, I’m up.”“I need to call Payton at the grocery store.See if Jax has checked in with her.I’ll check on your parents too.”My heart thumps anxiously at the mention of my parents.“Okay,” I murmur as I sit up.My ribs ache from our earlier activity, but I ignore the pain.“Do you have a plan?”He looks up at me, his eyes trailing over my face before making the languid trip down, unabashedly stopping on my bare breasts.“Not yet,” he sighs.“Let me talk to her first, then we’ll go from there.”“Okay,” I say again.Benji’s eyes follow my every movement as I pull the sheet around me and slide off the bed.“I’m going to take a shower while you do that.”“I’m going to use the phone across the street at the convenience store.Do you want anything?”“No, I’m all right [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.His tongue was soft, warm, and wet, and I liked it immediately.Having his taste in my mouth was something I never knew I was missing until I had it.And I never wanted it to end.It took only a moment to find his rhythm and I carefully matched it.As his tongue swept across mine, I knew I couldn’t go back.I’d never be able to not kiss Benji.I wanted to do this all day—every day.And that still may not be enough.He broke the kiss, which was good, I guess, because I didn’t know how to stop.I slid my fingers over my lips, dazed.What just happened between us?“I needed time to make sure that when I did that, I meant it.”“Did you?” I asked stupidly.If he didn’t mean it, then I wanted to know what it felt like when he did.“Yes.”He grinned at me then and I returned it easily.We didn’t talk about what it meant for us or how it changed things.He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend, which admittedly hurt a little.But he started coming back around as if he never left.Only now, he kissed me any chance he could.We kept it between ourselves for as long as we could.It was something we didn’t share with anybody else.It was ours and ours alone.And it was perfect.~*~I open my eyes to a dark room.I’m disoriented for a moment until I feel Benji’s steady breaths raising his chest beneath my hand.I have to pee, but I don’t want to get up.If I get up, we’ll have to deal with all the problems we were able to shove aside for a few beautiful moments.I’m not ready to face them yet.I press my cheek to Benji’s heart, basking in the sensation of his smooth, warm skin against mine, and the lulling beat of his heart.Having a summer birthday, I started school later than most kids.This meant Benji and I didn’t go to school together after grade school until my freshman year.He was a junior and we didn’t have any classes together.Even so, this didn’t stop everybody from assuming we were together.I smile at the memory.I don’t know how it was for him, but boys never asked me out.If there was a dance for either of us, it was just implied that he and I would attend together.Benji wasn’t able to go to my senior prom because he was gone by then.But I went to his.It was the night I lost my virginity.I was only sixteen, but compared to most of the other girls in my school, including Kameron, I was the weird one.Ironically (or not), 16 and Pregnant was in its second season on MTV.Everybody had always assumed Benji and I had been having sex for years.And if I had my way, that’s exactly how it would have been.But Benji wanted to wait.He wanted me to be sure.He wanted it to be perfect for me.He wanted me to be older, which, I argued, was ludicrous because we did so many other things from the moment I hit fifteen.And there are only so many things to do before sex is all that’s left.Our first time, though wonderful in its own way, was nothing like it was last night.I huff out a small laugh.It had never been like it was last night.It’s painful to think about how Benji improved over the years.And then I think about the fact we didn’t use a condom.I hadn’t thought about it at the time because in the past, we hadn’t used them.I went on the pill at thirteen to help with my menstrual cramping, and then had been so grateful for them when my relationship with Benji went to the level where I needed them to prevent pregnancy.We were only ever with each other back then, so it wasn’t an issue.We trusted each other.But now, I have no clue how many women he’s been with.What kind of women.I know about Megan.But who else?I cringe with the thought.Benji’s hand sweeps the hair off my face and he caresses my neck.“You awake?” he asks, his voice thick and raspy with sleep.I clear my throat.“Yeah, I’m up.”“I need to call Payton at the grocery store.See if Jax has checked in with her.I’ll check on your parents too.”My heart thumps anxiously at the mention of my parents.“Okay,” I murmur as I sit up.My ribs ache from our earlier activity, but I ignore the pain.“Do you have a plan?”He looks up at me, his eyes trailing over my face before making the languid trip down, unabashedly stopping on my bare breasts.“Not yet,” he sighs.“Let me talk to her first, then we’ll go from there.”“Okay,” I say again.Benji’s eyes follow my every movement as I pull the sheet around me and slide off the bed.“I’m going to take a shower while you do that.”“I’m going to use the phone across the street at the convenience store.Do you want anything?”“No, I’m all right [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]