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.”Kaelan nodded and he brushed feathers out of his eyes.“I know.I just…It isn’t going to be easy, you know, with the others.”“Are you…worried about how they’ll treat you?”“No,” Kaelan said, but Peter could see he was, maybe a little frightened even.“But she had some good friends.”“Yeah, but I’m beginning to think she had some enemies too.There may be some people who are relieved to see her gone.” Peter leaned in the doorway.Kaelan frowned.“Why do you say that?”“Jake this morning—he told me that she wasn’t a nice person.Why would he say that?”“I don’t know.Like you said, I’m kind of isolated, but…”“What?”“I just thought of something Emile said once, that she liked pretty boys.You don’t think…”Peter felt his stomach try to tie itself into a knot.“I never thought of it.I guess Jake is kind of pretty.”“Yeah.” The muscle in Kaelan’s jaw twitched.“There was a young guy before Jake who disappeared one day, and when I asked Cyrus about it, he told me that the guy had tried to get too friendly with Agnes.I thought he meant that he tried to force himself on her, but maybe that’s just what she told him.Maybe, he actually wouldn’t get friendly enough.”Peter pinched the bridge of his nose.“Yeah, but she loved Cyrus, right?”“Maybe,” Kaelan said.“Do you think she ever loved…” Peter almost heard the me fall from Kaelan’s lips before he said, “her son?”“I don’t know, Kae.Why?”Kaelan rubbed the back of his neck.“It’s just…She seemed to hate his weakness, that he was sickly and simple minded, but me…She loathed me, didn’t she?”Peter nodded.“She wanted him to be strong and smart, but she traded his innocence for it.I think she must have hated herself for that.She must have hated that she didn’t get what she wanted from him or you.That’s why she didn’t fight you.She knew she was getting her just desserts.I wonder, you know, if she’d been expecting it at some point.She knew she’d have to pay one day.”“Do you think so?” Kaelan asked.“She didn’t ask you to spare her life.It was like she was challenging you, daring you to do it.”Kaelan nodded.“I just thought she wanted me to have to live with the guilt.”“Do you feel guilty?”“I’ve never meant to kill anyone, hurt anyone even, but there’s something in me…It frightens me sometimes, Peter.” He held Peter’s gaze for a moment, and when Peter didn’t respond, he continued.“No, I don’t feel guilty.I feel…justified.”“Good,” Peter said.“Now come eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”Kaelan stretched out his legs.“Yeah, okay.Can I get more coffee before you steal the thermos?”“Sure, if you promise to make me more coffee later.Yours is better anyway.”“Yeah, of course,” he said, as he slipped by Peter with flutter of feathers and a wave of warmth that made Peter want to grab him and drag him back to bed.He restrained himself and followed Kaelan through the short passageway to the main room.“You should put something on,” he said.“Why?” Kaelan asked as he poured himself some more coffee.“Because I need to go get some work done.”Kaelan grinned and held the thermos and one of the breakfast pails out to Peter.“I’ll be sure to put something on before I bring the coffee over.”“You do that, beautiful.” Peter winked before heading back to his carriage, where he set the pail and thermos on the desk.He dropped into his desk chair and covered his face with his hands.He’d tried to show Kaelan a brave face, tried to exude confidence that he didn’t entirely feel because he knew that things could go very wrong.There might be some people like Jake on their side, but there could be people equally against them.Agnes had been with the circus a long time.She’d been the boss’s…whatever they were to each other…which gave her a certain power.Whatever happened, he had to hold it all together for Kaelan.If things went south, he could go back to the real world, the world of rubes and marks, but there was nothing else for Kaelan, and he was Peter’s responsibility, his friend, lover, everything.He had to care for him, protect him.Peter wondered if his uncle had any idea realistically of what he was getting him into, and he wondered why he gave him no hint at what he was up against with Kaelan.Everything led him to believe that Cyrus had cared deeply about Kaelan, and yet he’d left him to Peter’s care with no warning and no instructions.Peter couldn’t understand how his uncle, Kaelan’s father for all intent and purposes, would have done that.Then he had a thought that had him on his feet and out of his carriage.Chapter ElevenPeter glanced around as he made his way along the rail bed and back along the train, but no one seemed to notice him.Most everyone was across the field setting up for the show that afternoon.He jumped aboard the carriage that Agnes shared with other performers [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.”Kaelan nodded and he brushed feathers out of his eyes.“I know.I just…It isn’t going to be easy, you know, with the others.”“Are you…worried about how they’ll treat you?”“No,” Kaelan said, but Peter could see he was, maybe a little frightened even.“But she had some good friends.”“Yeah, but I’m beginning to think she had some enemies too.There may be some people who are relieved to see her gone.” Peter leaned in the doorway.Kaelan frowned.“Why do you say that?”“Jake this morning—he told me that she wasn’t a nice person.Why would he say that?”“I don’t know.Like you said, I’m kind of isolated, but…”“What?”“I just thought of something Emile said once, that she liked pretty boys.You don’t think…”Peter felt his stomach try to tie itself into a knot.“I never thought of it.I guess Jake is kind of pretty.”“Yeah.” The muscle in Kaelan’s jaw twitched.“There was a young guy before Jake who disappeared one day, and when I asked Cyrus about it, he told me that the guy had tried to get too friendly with Agnes.I thought he meant that he tried to force himself on her, but maybe that’s just what she told him.Maybe, he actually wouldn’t get friendly enough.”Peter pinched the bridge of his nose.“Yeah, but she loved Cyrus, right?”“Maybe,” Kaelan said.“Do you think she ever loved…” Peter almost heard the me fall from Kaelan’s lips before he said, “her son?”“I don’t know, Kae.Why?”Kaelan rubbed the back of his neck.“It’s just…She seemed to hate his weakness, that he was sickly and simple minded, but me…She loathed me, didn’t she?”Peter nodded.“She wanted him to be strong and smart, but she traded his innocence for it.I think she must have hated herself for that.She must have hated that she didn’t get what she wanted from him or you.That’s why she didn’t fight you.She knew she was getting her just desserts.I wonder, you know, if she’d been expecting it at some point.She knew she’d have to pay one day.”“Do you think so?” Kaelan asked.“She didn’t ask you to spare her life.It was like she was challenging you, daring you to do it.”Kaelan nodded.“I just thought she wanted me to have to live with the guilt.”“Do you feel guilty?”“I’ve never meant to kill anyone, hurt anyone even, but there’s something in me…It frightens me sometimes, Peter.” He held Peter’s gaze for a moment, and when Peter didn’t respond, he continued.“No, I don’t feel guilty.I feel…justified.”“Good,” Peter said.“Now come eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”Kaelan stretched out his legs.“Yeah, okay.Can I get more coffee before you steal the thermos?”“Sure, if you promise to make me more coffee later.Yours is better anyway.”“Yeah, of course,” he said, as he slipped by Peter with flutter of feathers and a wave of warmth that made Peter want to grab him and drag him back to bed.He restrained himself and followed Kaelan through the short passageway to the main room.“You should put something on,” he said.“Why?” Kaelan asked as he poured himself some more coffee.“Because I need to go get some work done.”Kaelan grinned and held the thermos and one of the breakfast pails out to Peter.“I’ll be sure to put something on before I bring the coffee over.”“You do that, beautiful.” Peter winked before heading back to his carriage, where he set the pail and thermos on the desk.He dropped into his desk chair and covered his face with his hands.He’d tried to show Kaelan a brave face, tried to exude confidence that he didn’t entirely feel because he knew that things could go very wrong.There might be some people like Jake on their side, but there could be people equally against them.Agnes had been with the circus a long time.She’d been the boss’s…whatever they were to each other…which gave her a certain power.Whatever happened, he had to hold it all together for Kaelan.If things went south, he could go back to the real world, the world of rubes and marks, but there was nothing else for Kaelan, and he was Peter’s responsibility, his friend, lover, everything.He had to care for him, protect him.Peter wondered if his uncle had any idea realistically of what he was getting him into, and he wondered why he gave him no hint at what he was up against with Kaelan.Everything led him to believe that Cyrus had cared deeply about Kaelan, and yet he’d left him to Peter’s care with no warning and no instructions.Peter couldn’t understand how his uncle, Kaelan’s father for all intent and purposes, would have done that.Then he had a thought that had him on his feet and out of his carriage.Chapter ElevenPeter glanced around as he made his way along the rail bed and back along the train, but no one seemed to notice him.Most everyone was across the field setting up for the show that afternoon.He jumped aboard the carriage that Agnes shared with other performers [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]