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."I have been about for no fewyears," he said wryly.He looked at her sideways; their eyes met, and he raised his eyebrow ironically."Ihave seen his kind, the young and popular male musician, many, many times.It seems that they are eithersupremely sensitive, or supremely in sensitive.Sometimes both.There seems to be little or no middleground with them." He chuckled."One could do worse than be or choose a shopkeeper, n'est-ce pas! ""Right now I wish I was a shopkeeper," she replied sadly."I wish I was ordinary.Ordinary peopledon't seem to come in for as much pain."They walked on in silence, as a steady fall of snow drifted down from the sky, becoming visibleonly as they entered the cones of light from the street lamps.Her nose was getting numb in the cold, andshe sniffed.The snow was beginning to "stick," and as the ground whitened, light reflected both from theground and the low-hanging clouds.It began to grow noticeably brighter."Does it hurt you so much, the past?" he asked softly."Not as much as it did, I guess." She took internal inventory, and came up a bit surprised."Not asmuch as I thought it should.The present hurts more.Being helpless.Being unable to do anything for him."He raised his free hand, and rubbed the back of his head with it."As with an injury," he mused,"you have feared to look at it, to test it, until it has mostly healed—and voila, it does not pain so much asyou had feared.""I suppose so."The apartment building loomed at the end of the block, as always, brightly lit."You intend tofollow through with this—to eliminate the killers."She swallowed hard, and tightened her fingers on his."I don't have a choice, André.""If it means eliminating him, as well?""I—yes.I hope it won't.But if I have to—"The thought of that— oh gods.Oh dear gods.Please don't make it come to that—A sob forced itsway out of her throat, and she bowed her head.But—it may.It may, and I have to face that," Cherie—" He stopped, and tugged on her hand to make her pause beside him."Diana, look atme."She did; she hadn't expected to read what she saw in his face.Pity, sadness, understanding—compassion."He knows this, Diana.I do not think he is deluding himself.And I do not think he meant thewords in jest when he said that he would rather die than continue as he is." His lips curved in a faint, andinfinitely sad, smile."I did not care for him, not at all, nor did I pity him—until the very last.Until he saidgoodbye, and told you what you had forgotten.Then something extraordinary—he began changing at thatmoment, I will swear to it.He is becoming something worthy of admiration, cherie.I do not know what hewill become, but it will not be either petty or evil, whatever end he goes to."She stared at him a moment longer, and then the tears began in earnest.He took her in his arms,and she sagged against his shoulder and cried while her tears froze on her cheeks."I have lost those I cared for, cherie, " he murmured into her hair."It is not an easy thing, andbecomes no easier with time.Do not be ashamed to care, or to weep." So she wept.And he held her,carefully, patiently, until she had cried herself out.***They entered the front door in silence.She shrugged out of her coat and threw it at a chair; itmissed, and slid down to the floor, and she was too exhausted, mentally and physically, to care.She didn't bother to turn on the lights; the steady snowfall outside had built up to at least an inchon the ground, and all the reflected city light made it nearly bright enough to read inside the apartment.When they had climbed the building steps, she had looked back over her shoulder at the street, peacefulbeneath the frosting of white.It was beautiful, serene, and somehow pure.And filled with soft light.She hoped it was an omen.They both stopped in the hallway, halfway between her room and the living room, and the silencebecame awkward."André—" she began, and flushed.I don't know how to say this.I'm not used to asking for things.I— I'm not used to a lot of things.He waited, saying nothing, merely waiting."André, I—I'd rather not sleep alone tonight," she whispered, looking at her feet."I think," he said, quietly, but with a hint of humor, "that I am about to make a great fool ofmyself."She looked up at him, startled."What?""Ah, come—"He took her hand, and led her to the couch.When she had taken her seat, he sat beside her, stillholding her hand."I told you, did I not, that my kind—are something of 'psychic vampires' ourselves?"She nodded, and chewed at her lip, wondering what was coming next."I told you that we take only what is given freely and no more? And that I, I have made it a pledgethat I take nothing without some feeling between myself and the other, after the first few times?"She nodded again.He sighed, and shook his head."Diana, Diana, I have done so very well for so very long withcasual encounters—until now."She blushed."Until now?"He reached out, and just barely touched the back of the hand that was resting on her knee."Youhave made casual encounters somewhat—distasteful.Am I a very great fool, or have you been somethingother than indifferent?"His lips smiled, but his eyes begged for her to tell him that she had not been "indifferent."She shivered."I'm not sure what to say.I—you're very special to me, André.More than I everthought anyone could ever be.But—"His eyes had brightened with her first words—now they looked wary."But?""André—I can't stop being a Guardian.I might not make it through this next one—or the one afterthat—or the one after that.I don't want to ask you to get involved with me when you could end up hurt.And I don't just mean physically."He smiled, then his smile broadened until it turned into that lovely silent laugh of his.Gods, he could stop my heart when he laughs like that—she thought longingly."How very odd." He chuckled, reaching out and cupping his free hand around her cheek, withoutletting go of the hand that he held."How very odd.That was precisely what I was going to say to you!"She threw caution, bitter memories, and a fear-darkened future to the wind."Would you considersticking around—if we make it through this one?"His laughter faltered and died [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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."I have been about for no fewyears," he said wryly.He looked at her sideways; their eyes met, and he raised his eyebrow ironically."Ihave seen his kind, the young and popular male musician, many, many times.It seems that they are eithersupremely sensitive, or supremely in sensitive.Sometimes both.There seems to be little or no middleground with them." He chuckled."One could do worse than be or choose a shopkeeper, n'est-ce pas! ""Right now I wish I was a shopkeeper," she replied sadly."I wish I was ordinary.Ordinary peopledon't seem to come in for as much pain."They walked on in silence, as a steady fall of snow drifted down from the sky, becoming visibleonly as they entered the cones of light from the street lamps.Her nose was getting numb in the cold, andshe sniffed.The snow was beginning to "stick," and as the ground whitened, light reflected both from theground and the low-hanging clouds.It began to grow noticeably brighter."Does it hurt you so much, the past?" he asked softly."Not as much as it did, I guess." She took internal inventory, and came up a bit surprised."Not asmuch as I thought it should.The present hurts more.Being helpless.Being unable to do anything for him."He raised his free hand, and rubbed the back of his head with it."As with an injury," he mused,"you have feared to look at it, to test it, until it has mostly healed—and voila, it does not pain so much asyou had feared.""I suppose so."The apartment building loomed at the end of the block, as always, brightly lit."You intend tofollow through with this—to eliminate the killers."She swallowed hard, and tightened her fingers on his."I don't have a choice, André.""If it means eliminating him, as well?""I—yes.I hope it won't.But if I have to—"The thought of that— oh gods.Oh dear gods.Please don't make it come to that—A sob forced itsway out of her throat, and she bowed her head.But—it may.It may, and I have to face that," Cherie—" He stopped, and tugged on her hand to make her pause beside him."Diana, look atme."She did; she hadn't expected to read what she saw in his face.Pity, sadness, understanding—compassion."He knows this, Diana.I do not think he is deluding himself.And I do not think he meant thewords in jest when he said that he would rather die than continue as he is." His lips curved in a faint, andinfinitely sad, smile."I did not care for him, not at all, nor did I pity him—until the very last.Until he saidgoodbye, and told you what you had forgotten.Then something extraordinary—he began changing at thatmoment, I will swear to it.He is becoming something worthy of admiration, cherie.I do not know what hewill become, but it will not be either petty or evil, whatever end he goes to."She stared at him a moment longer, and then the tears began in earnest.He took her in his arms,and she sagged against his shoulder and cried while her tears froze on her cheeks."I have lost those I cared for, cherie, " he murmured into her hair."It is not an easy thing, andbecomes no easier with time.Do not be ashamed to care, or to weep." So she wept.And he held her,carefully, patiently, until she had cried herself out.***They entered the front door in silence.She shrugged out of her coat and threw it at a chair; itmissed, and slid down to the floor, and she was too exhausted, mentally and physically, to care.She didn't bother to turn on the lights; the steady snowfall outside had built up to at least an inchon the ground, and all the reflected city light made it nearly bright enough to read inside the apartment.When they had climbed the building steps, she had looked back over her shoulder at the street, peacefulbeneath the frosting of white.It was beautiful, serene, and somehow pure.And filled with soft light.She hoped it was an omen.They both stopped in the hallway, halfway between her room and the living room, and the silencebecame awkward."André—" she began, and flushed.I don't know how to say this.I'm not used to asking for things.I— I'm not used to a lot of things.He waited, saying nothing, merely waiting."André, I—I'd rather not sleep alone tonight," she whispered, looking at her feet."I think," he said, quietly, but with a hint of humor, "that I am about to make a great fool ofmyself."She looked up at him, startled."What?""Ah, come—"He took her hand, and led her to the couch.When she had taken her seat, he sat beside her, stillholding her hand."I told you, did I not, that my kind—are something of 'psychic vampires' ourselves?"She nodded, and chewed at her lip, wondering what was coming next."I told you that we take only what is given freely and no more? And that I, I have made it a pledgethat I take nothing without some feeling between myself and the other, after the first few times?"She nodded again.He sighed, and shook his head."Diana, Diana, I have done so very well for so very long withcasual encounters—until now."She blushed."Until now?"He reached out, and just barely touched the back of the hand that was resting on her knee."Youhave made casual encounters somewhat—distasteful.Am I a very great fool, or have you been somethingother than indifferent?"His lips smiled, but his eyes begged for her to tell him that she had not been "indifferent."She shivered."I'm not sure what to say.I—you're very special to me, André.More than I everthought anyone could ever be.But—"His eyes had brightened with her first words—now they looked wary."But?""André—I can't stop being a Guardian.I might not make it through this next one—or the one afterthat—or the one after that.I don't want to ask you to get involved with me when you could end up hurt.And I don't just mean physically."He smiled, then his smile broadened until it turned into that lovely silent laugh of his.Gods, he could stop my heart when he laughs like that—she thought longingly."How very odd." He chuckled, reaching out and cupping his free hand around her cheek, withoutletting go of the hand that he held."How very odd.That was precisely what I was going to say to you!"She threw caution, bitter memories, and a fear-darkened future to the wind."Would you considersticking around—if we make it through this one?"His laughter faltered and died [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]