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.Her mouth felt dry and she had to blot her damp palms on the skirt of the stupid apron."Because." she started, and then had to swallow to lubricate her voice."Because last night you gave something to me I needed.Maybe this is what you need.Someone to confide in.A sympathetic ear.""Sympathy?" He barked out a sharp laugh."You think sympathy will do me any good? You're wrong.Flat wrong."She ignored her unsteady heart."What will do you good then?"With angry strides, he paced the courtyard."A slap upside the head.A kick in the ass.Some fucking thing that will sweep all this shit out of my brain."She swallowed, watching his agitated movements."What shit is that, Ren?"On his next turn, he stopped in front of her, glaring down."All these unmanageable, infuriating, useless emotions swirling inside me.""Name one."He stared at her."What?""You heard me.Name one." Her voice lowered."I dare you.""Fuck!" Ren spun away from her, spun back."Grief," he ground out, bending close so they were almost nose-to-nose."God damn it, I've been wallowing in a black hole of it for the last eleven months.How stupid, how pitiful is that? I've been grieving for a man who never even knew who the hell I was."His grandfather.Oh, God.Oh, Ren.Sucking in a breath, she held her ground."All right.Name another."His fingers curled into the collar of Gwen's Stones jacket and he gave Cilla a small shake."Damn you," he said, then let her go."Okay.Regret.Are you happy now? I'm filled with regret that tastes like acid on my tongue and burns like an ulcer in my belly because I didn't bother to make it back to say goodbye to the woman who was more a parent to me than anyone else."Somewhere, Gwen was tearing up over this latest confession.Cilla felt a sting behind her own eyes.Blinking rapidly, she looked up at Ren's still-tense figure and told herself to stay strong."Name one more," she said.There was a long moment of charged silence."Anger," Ren finally answered, and there was bitterness in his voice and fury radiating from his body."I'm angry at the woman who gave birth to me.""Of course you are."He continued speaking as if Cilla hadn't uttered a word."She gives those kids all that good stuff, stable home, nice vacations, family time.You know what she gave me?""What?"His head dropped back and he stared at the sky.Then he returned his gaze to the ground."When I was twenty, when I made that visit?""You went to her house in Pasadena.""Yeah.After our little chat, after I realized she wasn't too thrilled about our reunion, as I was getting ready to leave she told me to wait." He took in a breath, let it out."I was standing on the stoop, she'd already hustled me out of her house, and then she came back with a box she shoved into my arms."The night seemed to quiet, waiting for him to continue."What was in the box?" Cilla asked at last.His back to her, he laughed again, a sharp, almost broken sound."Dumb shit.A baby blanket.Some infant clothes.A rattle.I didn't even look at all of it, to tell the truth.I didn't need to examine all that was there to realize she didn't want a single reminder of me."Cilla closed her eyes and Cami's mournful singing voice echoed in her head.Motherless children have a hard timeMotherless children have a hard time when their mother is goneExcept Ren's mother wasn't gone in the same sense that Cilla's wasn't in her life.She supposed that on some level she held the comforting (and possibly deluded) idea that her mom might have returned to her if she'd lived.But the woman who'd given birth to Ren had chosen to keep herself apart from him.Without a second thought, she took a step forward and put her arms around his waist from behind.Her cheek went to his spine as she felt him stiffen in her embrace."Ren," she said, and turned her face to press a kiss to his shoulder blade."God, Ren."He remained rigid in her embrace for a long minute, then, in a lightning move, he turned, breaking her hold.Next, he yanked her to her toes and against him so his hot breath was on her cheek and his words were low and dark in her ear."And you know what else I feel, Cilla?" he asked, clearly still in the clutch of that aggressive, bad mood."I feel like another night of fucking you."Though she knew what he actually wanted was to use sex as a way of feeling nothing at all, her defenses were shredded, her heart was aching, her body was already softening against the strength and heat of his."All right," she said, even knowing that another night with him risked making her feel much too much.Ren's sharp edges had returned and the beast inside him was beating its chest, eager to work off the raging maelstrom.Cilla had said "all right," but he wondered if she really knew what she was in for.Because he was going to screw her.Screw her good, as a way to get her out from under his skin.Using his body, he herded her toward the house, even as he thrust his tongue in her mouth, his kiss heated and assertive [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Her mouth felt dry and she had to blot her damp palms on the skirt of the stupid apron."Because." she started, and then had to swallow to lubricate her voice."Because last night you gave something to me I needed.Maybe this is what you need.Someone to confide in.A sympathetic ear.""Sympathy?" He barked out a sharp laugh."You think sympathy will do me any good? You're wrong.Flat wrong."She ignored her unsteady heart."What will do you good then?"With angry strides, he paced the courtyard."A slap upside the head.A kick in the ass.Some fucking thing that will sweep all this shit out of my brain."She swallowed, watching his agitated movements."What shit is that, Ren?"On his next turn, he stopped in front of her, glaring down."All these unmanageable, infuriating, useless emotions swirling inside me.""Name one."He stared at her."What?""You heard me.Name one." Her voice lowered."I dare you.""Fuck!" Ren spun away from her, spun back."Grief," he ground out, bending close so they were almost nose-to-nose."God damn it, I've been wallowing in a black hole of it for the last eleven months.How stupid, how pitiful is that? I've been grieving for a man who never even knew who the hell I was."His grandfather.Oh, God.Oh, Ren.Sucking in a breath, she held her ground."All right.Name another."His fingers curled into the collar of Gwen's Stones jacket and he gave Cilla a small shake."Damn you," he said, then let her go."Okay.Regret.Are you happy now? I'm filled with regret that tastes like acid on my tongue and burns like an ulcer in my belly because I didn't bother to make it back to say goodbye to the woman who was more a parent to me than anyone else."Somewhere, Gwen was tearing up over this latest confession.Cilla felt a sting behind her own eyes.Blinking rapidly, she looked up at Ren's still-tense figure and told herself to stay strong."Name one more," she said.There was a long moment of charged silence."Anger," Ren finally answered, and there was bitterness in his voice and fury radiating from his body."I'm angry at the woman who gave birth to me.""Of course you are."He continued speaking as if Cilla hadn't uttered a word."She gives those kids all that good stuff, stable home, nice vacations, family time.You know what she gave me?""What?"His head dropped back and he stared at the sky.Then he returned his gaze to the ground."When I was twenty, when I made that visit?""You went to her house in Pasadena.""Yeah.After our little chat, after I realized she wasn't too thrilled about our reunion, as I was getting ready to leave she told me to wait." He took in a breath, let it out."I was standing on the stoop, she'd already hustled me out of her house, and then she came back with a box she shoved into my arms."The night seemed to quiet, waiting for him to continue."What was in the box?" Cilla asked at last.His back to her, he laughed again, a sharp, almost broken sound."Dumb shit.A baby blanket.Some infant clothes.A rattle.I didn't even look at all of it, to tell the truth.I didn't need to examine all that was there to realize she didn't want a single reminder of me."Cilla closed her eyes and Cami's mournful singing voice echoed in her head.Motherless children have a hard timeMotherless children have a hard time when their mother is goneExcept Ren's mother wasn't gone in the same sense that Cilla's wasn't in her life.She supposed that on some level she held the comforting (and possibly deluded) idea that her mom might have returned to her if she'd lived.But the woman who'd given birth to Ren had chosen to keep herself apart from him.Without a second thought, she took a step forward and put her arms around his waist from behind.Her cheek went to his spine as she felt him stiffen in her embrace."Ren," she said, and turned her face to press a kiss to his shoulder blade."God, Ren."He remained rigid in her embrace for a long minute, then, in a lightning move, he turned, breaking her hold.Next, he yanked her to her toes and against him so his hot breath was on her cheek and his words were low and dark in her ear."And you know what else I feel, Cilla?" he asked, clearly still in the clutch of that aggressive, bad mood."I feel like another night of fucking you."Though she knew what he actually wanted was to use sex as a way of feeling nothing at all, her defenses were shredded, her heart was aching, her body was already softening against the strength and heat of his."All right," she said, even knowing that another night with him risked making her feel much too much.Ren's sharp edges had returned and the beast inside him was beating its chest, eager to work off the raging maelstrom.Cilla had said "all right," but he wondered if she really knew what she was in for.Because he was going to screw her.Screw her good, as a way to get her out from under his skin.Using his body, he herded her toward the house, even as he thrust his tongue in her mouth, his kiss heated and assertive [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]